Anxiety vs Confidence with a wee bit blue

Hi! I'm Jen, from Glasgow. I tweet @aweebitblue and my blog is aweebitblue too! I mainly blog about mental health, with some poems thrown in for good measure.

What happens when a confident person becomes ill with anxiety? I am not a shy person. I am quiet, yes, but I would say that I'm quietly confident. I am not naturally nervous in new situations, and I can talk to anyone. I have lived and worked abroad, and moved and made new friends more times than I care to remember. I can stand in front of large groups, give presentations, talks, you name it - I can do it. 

But I have a problem. A problem called anxiety. 

Because the truth is that even though the above is who I am, forms a large part of my personality, it's been almost a year now since I last felt entirely comfortable leaving the flat on my own, and recently it's been getting worse. Groups of people terrify me and I wouldn't touch public speaking with a barge-pole! 

Anxiety is a constant part of my life just now. On a good day, I can go about my day. I am aware of the undercurrent of quietly-jaw-clenching anxiety, but I can use whatever confidence I can muster to push past to get stuff done. I function. By the end of the day, my teeth ache and my head aches from the constant tension. 

On a bad day, it's not so straightforward. Even considering going out makes my heart feel fluttery. Like a wee bird that would rather be elsewhere. But, again this can usually be pushed through with confidence (sometimes with the help of medication). 

It's when it's at it's worst, when I have a panic attack and then definitely I can't leave the house until I calm myself down enough to start breathing again, when I can't seem to find any of my own quiet confidence, enough of my own true personality, to push me past the physical and mental symptoms. This is what I resent most. 

I just can't get used to trying to do the things I used to do so easily, and the anxiety saying: 'no...no way'. I will always resent the fact that anxiety has taken away parts of my personality over the past couple of years. I don't want to get used to it either. I know It's going to take a bit of work, but I'd like the old me back, please? 

I think that's why anxiety is such a debilitating illness; it can strike anyone, and strip down all their reserves. So who ever you are, no matter how confident and self assured you may be naturally, you can be well and truly knocked. 

If you are being knocked down by anxiety (whether you're confident or not!), and you're not sure how to get back up, here are some great places to get advice: NHS Choices eLament - Lanarkshire Mental Health Mind - Anxiety

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Greater Grassmarket’s Vintage Fashion Show Returns

A weekend of free entertainment celebrating all things vintage The Greater Grassmarket Business Improvement District’s (BID) free Vintage Fashion Show returns to Edinburgh for the second year, as part of the Vintage Weekend on Saturday 29th and Sunday 30thApril from 12pm – 5pm.

The catwalk Vintage Fashion Show will feature Edinburgh’s finest vintage wares sourced from Greater Grassmarket retailers including Armstrongs Vintage Emporium and Godiva Boutique. Taking place at 2pm, the catwalk show will focus on fashion for all occasions from evening to day wear plus vintage looks for the summer season.

Also returning this year is the Vintage Variety Show, hosted by burlesque and cabaret group Gypsy Charms, with performances taking place from 12pm, 1pm and 3pm. Acts include The Great Aziz, a multi-award winning magician, Scottish cabaret group the French Fling Showgirls, The Saw Guy who will be performing beautiful melodies in a peculiar way, and Deux Ailes, an acrobatic duo creating mesmerising routines both in the air and on the ground. From 4pm each day, Glasgow-based rockabilly band, The Shiverin’ Sheiks, will be performing their hits to get visitors dancing.

On Saturday, visitors can admire Edinburgh’s most colourful hot rods and vintage cars, whilst on Sunday the Distinguished Gentleman’s Bike Club will be showcasing their classic bikes alongside classic bike dealers such as Royal Enfield Edinburgh who will be offering information and advice to visitors on classic bike culture. From 12pm – 5pm both days, visitors can pick up vintage clothing and classic bric-a-brac treasures from the Vintage Market. Throughout the weekend there will also be an array of performers taking to the streets to keep children entertained.

This event follows on from the successful 2016 Vintage Weekend which increased footfall to the area by 61%. The Vintage Weekend is one of a number free events that the Greater Grassmarket BID has lined up this spring/summer to attract visitors to the area. 

 Norrie Stewart, Grassmarket BID Project Manager, says: “We’re excited to bring our Vintage Weekend back, and it’s even bigger and better than last year. With over 50 independent retailers in the area, many of which specialise in vintage goods and antiques, the Greater Grassmarket is the perfect destination for vintage lovers and collectors. 

“Whether it’s shopping for vintage items, admiring the classic cars or enjoying the retro entertainment, we want our Vintage Weekend to encourage the whole family to celebrate all things vintage.”

Want to find out more? Check out their website.

The i-on Breakthrough Awards

Since the launch of i-on magazine back in 2005, we’ve done our best to shout about the people who help to make Edinburgh and Glasgow what they are. So, with this in mind, we bring you the inaugural i-on Breakthrough Awards in association with Pickering's Gin, a celebration of emerging talent in Scotland. People living and working in Edinburgh and Glasgow who are excelling in their field; the people who i-on magazine, with its judging panel and readers, anticipate to be the names to talk about in 2018. If you’re one of them, enter below by noon on Sunday 14 May 2017.

There are six categories in total covering a range of fields, including the Bloggers category in association with LOOKLOOK. Here we’re looking for the top online voices and journalists across interiors, food, lifestyle, travel, fashion and more. Whatever you’re passionate about, get in touch.

The prize

Winners will be announced at the i-on Breakthrough Awards winners’ party at Mansfield Traquair, Edinburgh, on Wednesday 13 September 2017 and will appear in the October issue of the magazine and online. One overall winner will be championed by i-on throughout 2018 and will receive a bespoke 12 month marketing campaign in i-on magazine and www.ionmagazine.co.uk worth £15,000.

How it works

You’ll need to fill in a short application form and then a shortlist of entrants will be announced on the i-on website on 29 May 2017 and in the June issue of the magazine. After a voting period, the finalists will meet our judging panel on Thursday 24 August to give a five minute presentation before the category winners, and one overall winner, are chosen.

Enter now

Enter by noon on Sunday 14 May 2017 by emailing your completed application form to breakthrough@ionmagazine.co.uk. Click here to download the application form.

Find out more

To see the full list of categories, plus information about the judges, rules of entry and frequently asked questions, head to www.ionmagazine.co.uk/awards.